I'm Not Normal I found myself confidently and almost proudly stating those three words today and it kind of shocked me. I'm not normal. For those of you who know me, this is not surprising, and that realization in itself was not what shocked me. What was interesting to me is how comfortable I felt saying that. Acceptance is a powerful thing and as I felt my own self-acceptance wash over me tears came to my eyes and I felt overwhelmed, in such a good way.
This square peg has, time and again, tried desperately to fit into a round hole, but, time and again, it doesn't work. I think this is something that gets easier as we get older, but not for everybody. And I think it's something that we come in and out of at different times in our lives. This last winter was challenging for me, I was finding lots of round holes to struggle with. Twenty-nine (the big 3-0 right around the corner), unmarried, no kids, not a home-owner. I started to feel this internal pressure to hurry up and start my life.
Maybe it's that darn biological clock I've been hearing about or maybe it's watching my friends and loved ones start families and settle into homes and lives. Whatever it is, I've been feeling rushed, which in turn has led to a huge inner struggle. Part of me was trying to hurry my life up to get to that point, putting pressures on myself and my relationship, the other part of me wanted to run for the hills and do reckless things the whole way there. This tug-of-war has been going on for months, aided by the pressures of going to school and running a business. But something shifted yesterday. I hit a breaking point.
Being an emotional gal and someone who seeks out self-growth, I'm familiar with these breaking points. They don't happen often and they aren't the most enjoyable things, but it's a very powerful experience if you can ride it out. It happens when you've been bumping up against the same wall over and over and over again and you reach a point where you feel like you're going to explode and at that very moment when you know you can't take it anymore, something miraculous happens. The wall shifts. When this happens things get a little dicey and then comes the feelings of relief, excitement, empowerment, and inspiration. It's like shedding a layer of icky stuff that was no longer serving me and getting comfortable in some new, better skin. With Spring here, it feels like the perfect time to do something different and find some grace for myself and allow my life to unfold naturally, without pressure.
I've always welcomed change and right now I'm especially grateful for the winds of change that are blowing in through my currently open windows. Hope everyone else is feeling that Spring joy, hope, and energy as sunshine and warmth return to our lives. Thanks for listening. Love to you all.